TV, and the "Anatomy" of "the Self"

"Art may imitate life, but life imitates TV" - Ani Difranco

I can't say that I really know what "me" is, and to be honest, right now I don't think it really matters. In many ways our culture, and specifically our generation, could be argued to be the biggest group of raging narcissists to have existed. I am just as guilty of it as anyone. We feel the need to share every thought that runs through our heads on Facebook and Twitter, we construct idealized online persona's, and choose our "favorite" everything: from music, and authors, to TV shows and restaurants. Our consumption, whether it is media, academia, food, or retail products, in many ways constructs what we consider to be our identity. Narcissism aside, this leads to a big, socially constructed, fragmented, ideological mess. We want to be entirely "unique" and individualized. We want to "find" who is we really are, but we are always finding it outside of ourselves. This reflects one of the major themes we have encountered in this course, that nothing exists outside of culture, not even "the self". Perhaps there is no natural state of "you" to be discovered. As our coursework would suggest, it is instead a culmination of your surroundings, and everything and everyone you have encountered.

One way I have seen this play out in my life is through television. Today many of us use the TV we watch as an extension to help us define our tastes and interests. Maybe sometimes we seek out certain shows and characters because they depict in some way the kind of person we want to be, or because we see reflections of our lives in them. It has been my experience that people often place themselves in the roles of TV characters. A friend once said to me in high school, "We are like the girls in Grey's Anatomy! I'm Izzy, she's Christina, you're Meridith!".....(rolls eyes). It has also happened on numerous occasions that I see someone post a cast photo from a movie or show, tagging their friends as different characters. This behavior showcases the importance we place on television in shaping our identities. For me, one of my favorite shows growing up was Gilmore Girls. I can't argue that watching the main character Rory, study hard, push herself, and aim high for her education, made me more driven as a student. As an artifact, the DVD sets that I watched every day after school, reinforced for me an appreciation of academics, family, and witty pop culture references. Especially in our media climate, it is hard to argue that the TV personalities we grew up with did not shape us in one way or another.

This topic could easily benefit from pages of elaboration, but for the sake of this post I will conclude by saying, normally I would hate to admit that television and media culture has impacted me so much, but it's true, and this class has begrudgingly made me realize that. Of course my family, friends and mentors have helped shape me, but it cannot be discounted, the ways (no matter how insignificant) in which the likes of Rory Gilmore, Lizzy McGuire, and Marissa Cooper, impacted me as well.

relationships shaping relationships

There are many things that I think have contributed to who I am today. Many people and events have influenced me and continue to change and shape who I will become. It is almost impossible to separate the individual and his or her actions and character from their environment. There are many facets of life that I could focus on but one specific part of life in particular came to mind. That is how the relationships that you grow up with and encounter throughout your life effect your future personal relationships
When I was in fourth grade, my parents got divorced. I didn't think much of it because I was an angst ridden preteen only occupying thoughts of myself, and had seen my parents as separate entities for so long that I accepted it. In fact, until quite recently I didn't think that their separation has effected me at all. Their relationship was not a particularly healthy one, and I think I really knew that all along.
After the split, I lived at my dad's house half the time and my mom's half the time. This enabled me to see how they were both effected by the split. My father never dated again and turned into somewhat of a hermit, while my mother dated a couple men and eventually got remarried. So many things about my parents and their lives changed after their separation that it was hard to envision what it had been like beforehand. Seeing this change in my parents was my first indication of how much people are transformed based on their relationships with others.
After seeing the trans-formative nature of relationships, my own relationships changed quite a bit. Throughout middle school and high school I did not keep a steady group of friends and moved through best friends quickly. Even this year i hang out with completely different people than I ever had before. Witnessing my parents' relationship crumble changed everything about how i viewed people and the way they interact, and changed my outlook on the permanence of interpersonal relationships.

Legen-DAIRY

        At age 2 my life as a farmer began. My dad decided to buy some dairy cows and "BAM", suddenly he was back to dairy farming after some years as a salesman in Kansas. His dad was a dairy farmer, and my grandpa's dad was a dairy farmer as well. 

Anyway, my dad purchased some animals from his dad and some from the neighbors and off we went. Now for a little background on my dad's experience in the dairy industry; as I mentioned above, he live on a dairy farm growing up, but he also dropped out of college to help his dad.  He was devoted to his family farm, but his  favorite part about the industry was the shows. My father traveled around the US working for people who showed very  pretty, very expensive cows. In "city folk" terms, his job was to give the animals a makeover. He did their hair and washed them. He was really good at it too.

And now here I was, age 2, with a pretty big history behind my name.  The second I was able to walk, I was leading cattle. Above is me at age 4 with my first show calf. My dad taught me well, we are even wearing matching outfits! Well years went on and my parents were divorced by the time I was 8 and my dad remarried when I was 13. Even though my family life was in a constant state of turmoil, the cows never seemed to be affected by it.  They had to be milked twice a day every day, fed every morning, and, best of all, they were always in need of some love. I look at my dairy cattle as my pets, all 100 of them! As I grew up I began to love  what my dad taught me to love, showing. This summer I spent the equivalent  of  2 weeks in a barn at dairy shows. I show at the MN State fair, MN State show and my county show. 

 Because of how I was brought up I am willing to go an entire week with one night's worth of sleep. I am able to lift more than the average girl, and I can hold my own in any conversation. I have even had my likeness carved in 90 pounds of solid butter this summer at the MN state fair because of my background in dairy!! My GRAND NARRATIVE can be made up of all of my experiences with the diary industry. From working on the farm to putting a crown and dress on as a Princess Kay Finalist, I can honestly say that my farming background is evident in every aspect of my life. (if you have no idea what Princess Kay is, check her out on FB!!)

I consider myself pretty lucky. I mean, how many of you can say you have a butter sculpture of your head, the title of "princess" and  100 pets?!

Old world meet New World...

What's Your Worldview?!?!?

Basically there is a lot of things that shape who I am, just like many others but when I boil it all down what's left over is my heritage and my family. My siblings and I happen to be the first generation born in the U.S. in my immediate family. Both of my parents are immigrants from Nigeria who had the classic story. They were looking for a better life for themselves and especially for their future children. I know there are a lot of first generation children who probably all have the same exact story but unless you are one of them, you can't really understand the pressure of having your parents' world constantly conflicting with the world that you are currently in and having the pressure of a completely different culture always directly impacting everything you do in your "U.S. life."

Don't get me wrong that YES!, it's annoying pretty much all the time because you just want to do what you believe is right within reason, obviously, but at the same time I love my family and I wouldn't have it any other way. This is where I come from and I wouldn't dare think of altering anything because if I did there wouldn't be a "me" that exist as of today. And as I've gotten older, I've grown to actually appreciate and make more an effort to embrace my heritage. That is because of the integration of both worlds that my parents and I live in, this is where the "story of me" started to take shape and currently works. In a way, I view the world through multiple sets of eyes and form my opinions and ideology but also considering that there may be more than one idea/viewpoint and why that is. All in all at the end of the day, I'm just trying to survive just like everyone else, one day at a time.

Making Me

Although there are many things that contribute to who I am and who I'm still becoming, the most influential thing has been the guidance and love from my best friends Chelsea and Max. Both have been the greatest gifts I could have ever asked for.

I first met Chelsea in 4th grade, when I moved to Andover Minnesota. We were neighbors and coincidentally became best friends. As the "new kid" it was amazing to not only have someone to hang around with but someone who was so loving and caring. She is very committed to her faith and her family. Myself, being sort of committed to my faith and sort of committed to my family, always envied that about her. She's able to put a smile on even in the worst of times, and even better she's able to put a smile on my face in the worst of times. Every day she reminds that she loves me and that each day is a gift to have, especially when we get to spend it with those that we love. In turn this has made me realize so much about myself, like my ability to love a person and my ability to have empathy towards others. Both things I really struggled with before I met her. Because of Chelsea I'm able to connect with my family more easily and I'm able to find love in everyone. It still amazes me how she is able to put down anything she's doing for a friend. She's always inspiring me to do better, love better, and live better and I'm so glad I got her as a best friend.

Max's (pictured above) story is a bit different. When I met him, he was not at all in touch with his faith and pretty rocky in the family department. So at first I was skeptical about the sincerity of his friendship but as we got to know each other he really started to earn my trust and we soon my friendship. He shared his ideals with me as I shared mine with him, and so began not only myself growing from this, but he as well. I think that's what made the biggest impact on me, the fact that it was not only me growing up and learning but he was doing just the same beside me. The things I envy most about Max are starting to reflect back in my personality. Like becoming more outgoing around not only close friends but everyone I meet. Without Max, I would never be able to strike up a conversation with anyone I meet. I've also learned to be a leader from Max. He's shown me that sticking to my own ideals and values is what will make everyone else believe them too. Without him I would not be able to share with others who I really am.

My love for Chelsea and Max is so great. I could have never imagined I could love two people more. Because of them I have been able to discover who I am and so far I'm loving who I'm becoming.

Upbringing Shapes Who You Are

I have very tightly knitted family that consists of my mother, father, sister and grandmother. Growing up my parents always taught me that your family members are the only ones that will be there no matter what. So far this has been the case and my parents continue to share their unconditional love towards me and my sister. Since we are so close my parents have been very influential in my life and are responsible for many of my successes. I was born in Saint Petersburg, Soviet Union and only after few years the country would break up into many separate countries. Growing up in Russia in the 90s was rough for many due to this metamorphosis. Large power vacuum was created in the aftermath of the breakup of USSR. My father was business man and my mother was stay at home mom. Life for us was good, but since my father was part of various business ownerships danger due to high criminal activity always lingered in the dark.

My mothers side of the family have all immigrated to the US and desired for us to join them as well. With my grandmothers surgery and poor economic state at that time, my parents decided that it would be best for us to come to the US. The process of immigration was difficult for my parents and grandmother but it also brought us even closer together. When we left Russia and came here we had each other and while we are living in the US we still continue to have each other as support group. Growing up in the US has definitely shaped my character and many of my beliefs. Many people that have been born here complain about various problems regarding the government, economy, etc.. However, they have not experienced living somewhere else where simple rights, beliefs and safety can bet taken away from you and threatened. Well I have lived outside of the country and experienced the other side. As result of this, I have become very patriotic of this country and what it stands for. Coming from country with government that is characterized by corruption and mafia, I always wondered if politics has different, 'good' side. I think this has been responsible for my interest in politics and my decision to major in political science here at the U. The fact that I attend U of MN is very much related to my parents great emphasis on education. From very young age, they told me that if I want to be somebody in this country I must work hard and go to school. However, I did not really understand that until I got older and was finished with high school. It was then that I realized that by continuing my education I would not only be benefiting my self but also doing this for all the hardships that my parents had to endure to raise me and get me to where I am now. I think having people in my life that cared and did things to make my life better has made me unselfish. My grand narrative has been shaped and formed by my loved ones and the experiences that life presented me with.

Gooooooooooooooo Joe!

We all talked about how some people are destined to be a part of a certain class by how we are raised. I fit right into that category despite how hard I initially tried to avoid it. I came from a military family. From my Great-Grandfather down, every male on my father's side of the family joined the military at some point. My Great-Grandpa and Grandpa were in the Army. My father was in the Coast Guard. Eventually I came to be part of this family, through my years living as a "Military Brat."

From a young age I remember always be interested in GI Joe. I loved the guns, the patriotism and always getting the bad guy. My dad would buy me all the toys, Jets, action figures, everything like that. I was raised single by my Dad after their divorce and everything I knew was military. All my friends lived on base, at school we would hang together since common backgrounds draw people near. I was always proud of what my dad did, and he would often show me his workplace and the aircraft, C-130H, that he navigated for.

One day he gave me a special present, it was this special edition GI Doll of a Marine in dress blues. I was infatuated with it. He would tell me how the Marines were the best of the best, and no one could beat them. I knew a little of this from GI Joe's Gung Ho. Right then and there at the age of 7, I said I was going to be a Marine.

By the age of 18 I hated everything about the military. I hated moving, I hated losing friends and most of all I hated the fact that I hardly saw my dad. We were always raised by baby-sitters and then eventually my Step-Mom who I never got along with. I hated authority, did poorly in workplaces, even was fired from some. I was originally in ROTC in high school around this time, and even quit that despite having a very encouraging Master Sergeant of the Marines trying to guide me in life. I was not going to be in the military.

I left at age 20 to find my own way in life, landing in Ohio with a girl I met on the internet. There I had no luck just as before. Could not find or even hold a job, relationship issues and the fact I was almost out of money loomed over my head. I refused to go home to my loving family who opened their arms to me. I was not going to be seen as a failure who dropped out of college and couldn't be successful like my father. I thought long and hard on what I wanted to do, and like a king who dismisses his oracle as foolish, I found myself in the fate that was for told by society.

I decided I was going in the military. I wasn't going to be Army or Coast Guard though, no they won't prove to my father how successful I can be.

I was going to be a United States Marine.

And that's how this little shaping of my life came to be. Seeing how successful my father was, pride and a continuation of tradition molded me towards the life as a Marine. Life brought me up believing the military was the highest honor a citizen could ever achieve. I am sure liberal hippie would tell you otherwise. (No offense to hippies.) The way I was shaped by living in a life surrounded by Aircraft, guns and uniforms lead me to where I spent 5 years of my life.

It wasn't just any 5 years. I served aboard a KC-130J. The same aircraft as my father, only slightly updated.

A New Beginning

These four pictures were taken in Laos back in May of 2009 when I got the chance to go back to Laos and visit my parent’s homeland and cousins I have never ever met before for the very first time in my life. It was an amazing experience and coming back made me realize how many opportunities I have living in America versus the people that live in present day Laos. To sum up my family history my parents left their homeland, Laos, back in 1975. They resided in Thailand as refugees in the Nam Yao Refugee camp and they converted over to Catholicism with the help and aid of U.S. missionaries and left their traditional Shaman cultural practices behind. They soon came to America in 1983 with three children. From 1983 to 2011, my family has resided in the U.S. since and we have converted back to our traditional practices. My parents are the only ones (out of all their siblings) that came to the United States. All their other siblings still live in Laos. I was born in 1990 and all my life, the stories my parents and uncles told me (about Laos) was how I envisioned the country to be. My father fled the country with my mother because he was a Secret War soldier serving the U.S. CIA and Royal Lao Government (RLG). The American CIA set up secret guerrillas of armies to fight Pathet Lao and these armies consisted majorly of Hmong people. This was known as the Secret War. The Secret War was basically like the Asian Holocaust in my sense because Vietnamese communist troops saw RLG servants and Hmong people as the two subgroups interfering with Pathet Lao turning Laos into a communist country. The communist party set out to wipe Hmong people to their very last seed because they have no country anyways and they served the U.S. as well. Of course that did not happen to Hmong people although the Vietnamese did win the country turned into a communist party after all. As I look at my family history, I would not be here today if it was not for my father and mother. Spending a month in Laos, I sure knew what was already coming. No electric washing machines, hot water, cell phones, myspace, and McDonalds… boy was I in a whole new different world!!!! After about four days adjusting to the hot weather and daily life routine of these people… I realize it was not as bad as people say it is. The war left the country in turmoil and there are still war bombing sights and caves present for tourists to check out. Craters and empty missles lay in the fields and temples are made to worship and release the trap souls that still walk among the living to guide their souls to peace. Seeing Laos made me realize after all that Laos is a beautiful country with a rich history after all. The harsh struggle my parents endured to get my family to America. The Secret War left my father’s life at risk and he did not want to be taken to Vietnam and be persecuted. He fled with my mother and because he served the U.S. his identity as a CIA secret guerrilla soldier lubricated his way with easy access to gaining citizenship for himself and his family. Since them my father has not ever gone back to Laos. In my perspective I see that warfare, the struggle from oppression, and American influence in the refugee camps made my parents flee to the U.S. Living in America was the result of what my parents wanted for their children. They did not want us to struggle as how they did. They wanted a better life for their children. They wanted us to have what they could not have and that was education. They want what was best for me and my siblings and coming to America (as the slogan goes) was the land of freedom. I would not be where I am today if it was not for my parent’s past struggles with warfare and the harsh reality of not having a country and force to seek asylum from the physical and mental warfare struggles that left many people in hope and fear of survival.

Oma and Opa

There are very many people who take life for granted. As an individual who has heard stories of defeat and pain for my grandparents, I am glad to say that these people have molded my life into something many people don’t have. I have learned from them that life is short and that you have to live every moment to the fullest. They both lived in Latvia when the war was going on and were sent to the German work camps where they had to leave everything behind. They were not allowed to have options or make decision for themselves. They had to go through things such as having a baby but not given the proper medical treatment that he unfortunately passed away only days after my grandma gave birth.

My grandparents were fortunate enough to be able to come to America. They found a farmer in southern Minnesota who sponsored them; he paid for their costs to travel to America and my grandparents repaid him by working for his farm for several years. After that, they moved to St. Paul and were able to find low paying jobs that gave them enough money to live a comfortable life. My grandpa was able to work as a diesel truck mechanic, with skills he learned in Latvia, and my grandma was able to find positions as assistants and secretaries at local businesses.

They have brought out an attitude that you don’t see in all people. You see a love for life. They have come from a place with no freedom and limited choices to a place where mostly anyone is able to do as they choose. I am able to look at them and change my own attitude to be as theirs. They don’t look down on the bad times, only because they know that many more good times will come in the future. They are optimistic and have changed the way every person in my family thinks about situations. My family has always seen the cup as half full instead of half empty.

I would not be here if it wasn’t for my family. These words are what keep me going in life. I have a very strong family structure and growing up my father always taught me “no matter what you always have your family”. If I had to remember one value of my father it would be that family comes first. By being brought up this way made me become very family oriented, by making sure we all are together for holidays or ANY special occasion; not to mention my sisters are my best friends even though there is a ten year age distance. I am the youngest of 4 and being so I have often sided with nurture vs. nature because even though genetics due play some part, I was molded the way my family raised me. Knowing all this about me is where I connect all the dots. My family is alumni and I have been visiting the University of Minnesota since the age of 8 so I was exposed to all the glitz and glamour The U has to offer at an early age. All of my siblings went and graduated from this school and continue to live in the Twin Cities, I obviously planned to follow. Growing up I was socialized to like the gophers, before I even knew Goldy the Gopher’s name I had more gopher gear than the average freshman. Now here is where my story hits a curve. Children never do exactly as they are told and sometimes ignore parents’ advice. My father never expected all his kids to go to the U of M, it just sort of happened, so naturally when his baby went off to college he encouraged me to look into schools that were cheaper, smaller, and just plain less liberal. When choosing a school I did the pros and cons just like anything else and my pros weighed a hella lot more than my cons. The point that I am trying to make is that even though my father encouraged me to branch out from my family, I couldn’t. The core values I was taught led me to the U, to me it was being closer to my family by location, being able to experience what the rest of my family did, to me it was tradition. My father has never My family has been my rock, my saving grace and once again, I know I would not be the person I am today without them.

Curling

My family, friends, teachers, movies and music have all had a big influence on me and who I am today.  But instead of talking about them I would like to talk about something that has influenced me in many different aspects.  This something would be the sport of Curling!

I was introduced to curling during 8th grade gym class.  For a couple of weeks we took a bus down to the local curling club and were taught how to play.  It sparked a major interest for me and I decided to take curling in high school, which happened to be one of the winter sports at my school (along with, about 9 other schools in the state).  I was a natural.  As a freshman I was chosen to play on our Junior Varsity team and from sophomore year through senior year I was on the Varsity team.  During high school I met some of my best friends (still to this day), not only from my school but from some of the other schools that we played against during the season.

Curling has helped my deal with problem solving such as looking at situations from different perspectives.  Some have called the sport of curling "Chess on ice", since its a lot of strategy and mind work.  The object of the game is to have one or more of your rocks closer to the center (button) of the target ( the house).  There are many ways to accomplish this task, but the other team is also trying to do the same. You must be able to try and see all of the options in order to choose the best shot to try to score.

Other than high school curling I also curled in two leagues each season which is where some of the shaping of my self occurred.  As most boys are, I was super competitive, and when things didn't go my way I would get really pissed off.  I would throw or slam my broom on the ice or swear and just get extremely down on my self which affected not only how I played the rest of the game but also my team.  One of the adults who I had played in league with pulled me off to the side one night after league (we had lost and I was pissed).  He told me that when I do things, like throw my broom or slam it, or swear, I makes me look childish and people loose respect for players who do things like that.  And that it affects my team mates and that I need to start controlling my anger and how deal with it and not to let things bother me while playing.  Since that night I have learned to control my anger and deal with things that go wrong in the game, not let them bother me and just move on.  I have applied this to my everyday life as well.  Things won't always go your way so you have to deal with it and continue on your journey of life.

Curling has also allowed me to set my biggest goal in life... to curl in the Olympics.  I feel if I work hard enough at it and practice as much as I can, I can achieve this goal.

"Memory is a poet, not an historian." (Poet Marie Howe)

When I look back on my life, there are many things that I can see that have shaped who I am today. A lot of these things that have shaped me are things outside of myself, things that I had no control over. Being raised in suburbia, by parents who don't quite seem to fit, with an older brother who couldn't be more different from me are all things that I could not control. This combination of things somehow created me. I was always an awkward kid, always wearing strange outfits simply because I felt like it, I would sing to myself, and I was mostly in my own little world... This resulted in not having many friends throughout grade school. I found myself lost in books a lot of times. Along with being a bookworm, I would find myself belting out show tunes. All throughout my growing up, my family and I would go to the theater. This passion for the theater was strengthened when my family made it a must to have a trip to New York City at least once a year. This is where I found my passion for theater and where I would eventually find my niche in high school. This is where my story leaves off. I am still that awkward kid that wears strange outfits, sings for no reason but for myself, and being lost in my own little world. This short breakdown of my short history goes to show that memory really is a poet, not a historian. These simple symbols of who I was as a kid moving into who I am today is very poetic, not history, even though this is myself and my history as I see it.

One Sunday afternoon...

Before anything I need to apologize for the resolution of this picture. But. I love it. I love it most because it's of me and three of my family members; something that has a crucial role in my story, and also because it seems so random. But if you knew my family, you would understand. If you look at the details, this picture has several factors that can start to unravel how we function and why I am who I am today.
First, I'll introduce everyone. From left to right: my cousin Jon, my sister Steph, my cousin Joe, and the one that can't sit in line with the rest, me. We all grew up as if we were siblings and our happiness could come just as quickly as brutal honesty could make someone cry. We were kids and we acted like it. Looking at details, a surprising amount can be read of our family. Jon and Joe are both wearing Green Bay Packer apparel. The Packers, football, cheese, and Wisconsin all hold places in our hearts. Football was the purpose of every Sunday, cheese was a given in my home state and also happened to be the livelihood of my father.
Next, the bowl of chips that we're sharing.. and also the apple. We were allowed to have junk food if we shared, and we did. It was an exciting time, as you can see from me holding up a ruffle, and we didn't want it to be taken away. My parents made sure we ate healthy and that has stuck with me today. They expect us to take care of ourselves and that included our diet. The apple was given to my sister because she had a notorious cavity record.
Also, if you look close you can see that Joe is holding a basketball. My mom didn't like us to play rough inside, so the fact that a basketball is allowed shows the importance of a boy in our family playing sports. He would grow up strong and tall if he played sports. Additionally, a little competition and ambition to strive for something was a good thing.
Finally, the fact that we're all sitting on the floor. I'm not sure what we were doing but we didn't care. We were content just being together eating our snack. The point is the floor we are sitting on: good ole linoleum. This floor was put into our house for the durability for children and because of its ease to clean. We were not always the neatest but wanted things to look nice. It was also before my parents had enough extra to put in a more costly, hardwood floor. They worked for what they got, and this same work ethic has been instilled in us all from the beginning. A bit of a stretch, maybe, but it was the American Dream; each man could work his way up.
My family has kept me humble, bonded me to the state of Wisconsin, embedded a love of football and ambition to do well, given me a strong work ethic, and reminded me that good relationships in my life is what matters most.

Traveling around the world with passionate expectation

Air travel definitely brought me a passion for traveling around the world to see and possibly catch up with different yet diversely interesting cultures that you might be able to experience for yourself if you are just sitting around in small town. The picture on the left is taken this August when we were approaching to Santiago de Chile. I could see the sunrise near Andes Mountain. I still cannot forget my very first long haul intercontinental flight when I was about nine-year-old. If bring a lot more compassion when you are traveling with friends, family. But life moves on and a lot of times traveling is done without anyone traveling together. Air travel definitely shaped my interests towards the world and how I see it like nobody else does. Of course, you can access vast amount of information pouring into World Wide Web that you do not need to travel 12 hours to Tokyo to hear what is really going on there. However, I believe seeing it from Television or your laptop computer does not bring you the same experience as you might be able to encounter in person on the spot. The fact that you could take a flight to London in eight hours by plane from Minneapolis or just about anywhere is fascinating. I believe that the world works ubiquitously without us realizing is absolutely true. It is just us that we do not easily realize about the fact. I have been interested in anything to do with air travel, travel, news around the globe ever since I took a long vacation with my family when I was little. That brought me a goal to visit every single continent and I am getting there and will eventually. Currently, I have Africa, Oceania left and Antarctica but since it is horribly expensive and the fact that it is inhibited continent I might have to be horribly rich to travel there in the future. I have not lived for 40 years but I believe traveling can bring you very moving experience especially when you fly. Of course, airport security is as high as ever as before. But once you go through some hassles and bustles, I believe there will be another window that would likely to shape your life differently than ever before.

And Hansel said to Gretal...

“And Hansel said to Gretal: Let us drop these bread crumbs, so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things." This year I lost my way. And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey…is a fate more cruel. The journey lasted eight months. Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who'd arrived. It wasn't me at all. And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely. Because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are. “

--Anonymous

Words hurt, but they also heal. I never imagined a simple quote leaving such an impression on my life, as well as my future. When I see a movie, or read a book, the entirety of the entertainment should correspond with my life in order for me to relate with it. Yes, all of it. Not bits and pieces. As the captain of my ship, this quote related perfectly to my journey.

            The phrase, “This year, I lost my way,” left a lasting impression on me. Reason being, I journeyed to Minnesota with no friends and no family awaiting me in the Twin Cities, and expectedly, lost my way. The freedom, the excitement, and the opportunity to be anybody I wanted to be caused me to stray from my academics and toward the discovery of myself.  I didn’t have the figurative ‘breadcrumbs’ to help me out. I was lost. My parents always said you are in Minnesota for an education. Although I agreed with this, I knew I was here for more than that. In relation to the quote above, my journey lasted one year. Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn’t me who arrived. It wasn’t me at all. I had made this unimaginable, amazing, life-changing transformation into a completely different person. Once I lost myself freshmen year, I had two choices: find the person I used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes, I had to step outside of the person I was in high school and remember the person I was MEANT to be. The person I WANTED to be. The person I am. I am gay.

Meet Megan

If you really knew Megan, you would know that she always talks in third person. You would know that she has crazy-awesome-beautiful red hair and pale skins that rivals a glow-in-the-dark color. She’s originally from Boston, Massachusetts (GO BRUINS!) but’s that’s not her only place of residence. Her dad was in the Navy for over twenty-five years, this meant she moved around a lot but also never stayed for long. Because her dad was a Master Chief Petty Officer, (he was a badass) she got to travel around a lot and that cultivated her adventurous side and love of new experiences. Her mom was an English teacher and she passed on her bibliophile-ness (that’s why she knows words like bibliophile). Because of this she randomly throws out quotes from novels, much to the chagrin of those around her. In third grade she watched Alice in Wonderland and that was pretty much life-changing and has been completely obsessed ever since. She wants nothing more than to find a white rabbit with a waistcoat. (Don’t laugh Harry Potter nerds! I’m sure you stayed up on your 13^th birthday waiting for your letter.) She started drawing the characters from the movie and realized that she kind of liked drawing, and that’s how her fascination with art started, now she stalks/lives in art museums. She has a sister that is a year older than her, but they are complete opposites, aren’t all sisters? In high school she became a vegetarian and did the whole indie-hipster thing for a while. Some things have worn off, but others have stayed. For example, she does shower regularly. Now she attends the University of Minnesota because it was somewhere she’s never been and very far away from pretty much everything else. She’s deadly with a nerf gun, and often attacks unsuspecting travellers done her hallway. She has a crop of crazy friends that all very important because they are the few people that understand her incoherent ramblings or spastic outburst. Her favorite place in the world is the Cape Cod beach. Bored yet? Good.

That was a nice little overview, I kind of feel like Holden from Cather in the Rye after that. I don’t have anything profound to say about my life thus far, I’m kind of just along for the ride. I would lie to think that I’m not a scripted character in a grand narrative, but this class constantly changes my opinion of just about everything, but I still have hope that I’m not a culture-bot. Anyways, I sit in the back left corner facing the board in Cultural Studies, come say hi.

My family and I

A lot of things have contributed to my ‘story’ of who I am such as soccer, schooling, and my family. I think the thing that has had the most significant impact on me are my parents.

To give you a little background of my parents I’ll start with my mom. She grew up in Cambodia in the time when the Khmer Rouge ruled. If you aren’t familiar with the Khmer Rouge, it was a party literally translated as Red Cambodians which was the name given to the followers of the Communist Party of Kampuchea, who were the ruling party in Cambodia from 1975 to 1979. They are remembered primarily for its policy of social engineering, which resulted in genocide. Its attempts at agricultural reform led to widespread famine, while its insistence on absolute self-sufficiency, even in the supply of medicine, led to the deaths of thousands from treatable diseases. Arbitrary executions and torture carried out by its cadres against perceived subversive elements, or during purges of its own ranks between 1976 and 1978, are considered to have constituted a genocide. (I pulled this all from Wiki but if I were to tell you stories of my mother’s firsthand experience it would run on for hours). In a nutshell, if you didn’t follow the party, you were tortured, brainwashed, and/or killed.) I remember in grade school we were given an assignment to learn about one of our parent’s backgrounds and I am so grateful I was able to learn about my mom’s tragic and horrific past. She told me stories of how they used to be rich but after the Khmer Rouge ruled, their money was worthless and how she was taken away from her parents and forced to work at camps. She also told me the frightening story of how they had to cross fields full of mines and dead bodies to get to the refugee camps.

My father was born and raised in Taiwan in a small village and grew up very poor. He was sent to boarding school because his family could not afford to raise him. The boarding school was funded by the government which is why his family was able to send him there. He told me stories of how he grew up with over 50 students from the age of 5 – 17. He told me they all shared a connection with one another as if they were brother and sister because they grew up together for so many years. He is still are good friends with everyone and held many jobs in order to find his way to America.

I think growing up my parent’s background has shaped and molded me into who I am now. My mom is the most patient and wonderful mother a child could ask for. She never thought twice of buying or giving us new things or food that were expensive. She did always think twice about buying herself new things because of that mindset she grew up in. She didn’t want her children (my siblings and i) to grow up as deprived as she was when she grew up. Now as I am older and able to look back at my childhood, it makes me appreciate all of the things she had done for us. My father taught us to let us make our own mistakes and was very open to allowing us to choose our own paths, because that was how he was raised.

My family also owns a restaurant and working at the restaurant has also been a life changer. One example, I took a personality test/predictive index test for an internship I applied for and it pretty much got me exact exception for one thing, it said I wasn’t a people person. I believe if I didn’t work at the restaurant this would very well be true but working there since I was a child has changed me and made me adapt to succeed in the restaurant. I also believe working at the restaurant has taught me the value of a dollar and how important education is in order to not live such a hard life. My whole family experience has shaped me in a motivated, hardworking individual who wants to succeed in life in order to pay back my parents and make them proud for surviving their tough childhoods and be rewarded for what they truly deserve. I am also very openminded as an individual and act/think similar to my father (so I have been told). I believe all these experiences my parent’s went through have shaped me into my story today.

Really Cheesy, but I LOVE My Friends

I do not have many old pictures of myself here with me in college, and I am from Illinois so I can't exactly go digging through my parents' photo albums to search for a good one. So, I turned to Facebook. Like a typical college student, I was already logged in while I was reading this week's blog post assignment.

At my schools, we would have a class picture taken each year from kindergarten to fifth grade. Last year, one of my friends, Jake, put each of his class pictures up on Facebook. This picture is the one he posted from fifth grade.

My friends from this class can be classified into two simple groups: the ones that I am still friends with, and the ones that I am not. In fifth grade, my primary friends was a group of four: me, Kelsey, Megan, and Taylor. Megan moved during middle school, but I still would occasionally see Kelsey and Taylor in passing throughout high school even though we don't talk anymore. There was no fight or drama; we just gradually grew apart and started talking less and less until we got to the point of ignoring. Sad, isn't it?

Not as bad as I thought. I struggled as we grew apart because I did not want to let go. However, I have finally recognized how this was so much better for me. As we grew apart, I slowly realized that I needed to move onto different people. So, I started spending more time with my secondary group of friends from my fifth grade class, specifically Kyle and Khadijah. Khadijah is one of the people I can always turn to when I need to talk. It's very common for us to have "Chipotle dates" just to catch up and vent to each other. Kyle, on the other hand, is the crazy guy that I would spend a ridiculous amount of time with. He drove me to high school every day starting as soon as he got his license, we somehow got multiple classes together each year, we shared our lockers for three years, and I was his "alarm clock" because if I didn't call him in the morning and talk to him until he got out of bed, he would just fall back asleep.

My old friends taught me to appreciate the amazing people in my life through contrast. They were never the kind of friends that were there for me, they were just fun to hang out with. They helped me understand when I am better off moving on and pursuing something better. My current friends are each more unique and have their own areas of impact on my life. I could ramble forever about each of my current best friends, so it's good that I limited myself to my fifth grade class. Khadijah has helped mold me into a person that is able to be open with people that I am close to and trust them. She is one of the few people that has never let me down, so she helps me stay hopeful. Kyle has shown me how fun it is to be crazy with your friends and not worry about what other people think about you. He is the perfect example of someone who does and says whatever he wants to. He has no "censor" or "off" button, and as a result is one of the most confidant people I know. Without all my friends being by my side for so long as we grow up together, I feel that, besides being lonely, I would be a different person today. I am an individual, but I will still admit that the significant people in my life each have a share in molding who I am for the better.

Progressive Metal as a Social Construction

Music influences many people throughout their lives. Many find personal connections to particular songs, or relation to their own lives in lyrics. However, as with much of the new or up-and-coming music that is prevalent in our society, they mostly focus on the personal aspect as this is what people look for in music to relate to themselves. What is rare to find however (in our day and age) are not just one song that may cover an ideology, but for music groups to devote their music toward a particular social construction and compel the audience or individual to truly consider the lyrics spoken. In essence music (like many other arts) has the ability to play a large role in shaping individuals in society, and thus cause social change throughout time. This is what has become to be known as Progressive Metal, and while it cannot be pinned on any one music group for the beginnings of this movement, there are certainly particular groups which have made significant contributions.

Metallica I have chosen here in particular because I feel that many are turned away by the kind of music produced by metal bands; particularly in the creation of songs in which are influenced by social construction and not simply a single emotion (or nothing at all). Taking into example, the image posted is a more symbolic view of Justice, with the image of Liberty being torn and damaged, or otherwise defaced. We can examine this as a social commentary on the justice system in general, and the songs contained within the album ...And Justice For All are all related to various forms of injustice, whether freedom of speech, atrocities of war, or corruption of government.

Songs such as One refer to the novel Johnny got his gun written by Dalton Trumbo in 1939, where a soldier is horrifically maimed and crippled in war yet remains intact in his mind. Yet this song is not the typical 'thrash metal' as produced by metal bands in the past or today, and takes a more somber and serious tone. Other songs such as The Unforgiven have been attributed to novels such as Anthem by Ayn Rand. The ideology presented relates to a society without individuality where a single person finds it possible to break away from the social construction, and reveals 'ego' in the end.

Progressive metal has been tagged to many bands over the years, including Alice in Chains particularly for their song Down in a Hole which deals with the writer's father during the Vietnam war, as well as to Disturbed for the attention given to the current war in the Middle East (Sacred Lie).

Cultural and ideological movements come in many forms, and this is simply one of many ways in which it may be brought about. Spiegelman's work in the underground comix movement in the late sixties and early seventies has had a similar effect, but simply for a different audience. Thus, we can generate a Grand Narrative of what society should strive for based upon artistic expression, one that is carried through into every individual who bothers to sit and actually listen to the lyrics of a song and comprehend the true meanings behind them. It has a profound effect on the individual, and thus we can say that social evolution occurs as the values of a population change over time.

Like mother like son

All of us are probably familiar with this picture, but for those of us who aren't, this is a picture of George W. Bush Sr. and his son George W. Bush. The fact they have both become President of the U.S got my attention in the sense that it illustrates one of the most popular grand narratives, that is, fathers--instead of mothers--should be their sons' role models, or at least that male children should follow their fathers' footsteps.
Well, my story is a bit different: Even though my father is a very educated and brilliant man (He earned a PHD in philosophy from some prestigious university about 20 or 30 years ago), he doesn't have that much influence on me as opposed to my mother who, on the other hand, has only a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, but has had a huge influence on me. My parents separated a little while after my birth, but I got to spend time with both of them, and learned a lot from them. My mom went through A LOT of hard times; I remember back when I was a kid, she always used to tell my two brothers and me: 'We are going to get through this' every time life hit us hard. No matter how low she fell in life, he always got back on her feet and never gave up on us (her children), nor on her dreams, and that truly inspired me to be a fighter, to never stop till I get enough. My mom has had such a huge impact on my life that I got her name tattooed across my left arm so that I will never forget that. Both of my parents are significant figures in my life, but if one of them had to be my role model, it'd be my mother not because my dad hasn't educated me well enough, but because my mother has had more impact on my life than he has. I guess the well-known line 'like father like son' doesn't really fit the description here.

Posting Assignment #5 (due Sunday 10/23, 11:59 P.M.; comment by 11:59 Monday, 10/24: Make History

Early in our work, we listened to Gang of Four ask 'Why theory?'  They sing 'We've all got opinions.  Where do they come from?'  This project asks us to explore where opinions come from—actually our whole views of the world—by examining bits of our personal and public histories.  Where, exactly DID some of our 'opinions' come from?

Robin does his homework: Mom put this picture in my babybook on the page for 'Baby's Fourth Birthday.' Apparently I didn't have a good time because I was worried that the other kids' balloons would break and they wouldn't have a good time.  From the left: Guy Huntley, Phillip Moreland, Donny Peterson, and me (what was Mom thinking with the flowered matching outfit?).  Guy became an insurance salesman. Phillip (the goofy looking one) became a Catholic priest.  Donny's father was a coal miner, and Donny followed him into the mines.  He died there in an explosion (Consolidated Coal) at 52. And me—well, you know me.  Somehow—even at four—we all knew that Donny was a 'working class kid' (though we didn't have the words for it).  The other three of us were supposed to do better in school (and we did). It's almost a GRAND NARRATIVE of what a good boy does with his life.  But I always thought Donny was smarter than the other two.  He knew how to wire up the electric trains.  He could track animals.  He was a lot more fun.  Maybe biology matters (I still worry about whether the other kids will have a good time). But class really matters. Class determined a lot of my history, and if I were writing this blogpost, I'd take that topic, and use this baby book and picture as my 'historical archive.'

Write a tiny mini-history in which you show how particular events, people, forces, spaces, objects and so on have contributed to your 'story' of who you are.  Remember that we're suspicious of Grand Narratives, and that we know that every story will be shot through with ideology—can't not be. In fact, it' this critical look at the 'stories' that ordered our lives that can be the most interesting part of this project. Got images?  Put 'em in. Find things that mattered (songs, movies, soccer, Girl Scouts, school, 4H)? Talk about it. Is it important who you (the writer) are, too?  Talk about that.  Need models?  Well, that's tough, because all of us are so different and so are our stories.  But no stupid Yearbook-ish generalities.  No pious 'moral lessons learned.'  Think Spiegelman—right, you maybe can't draw like him, but we can all try to THINK like him….

Look hard, talk with your family and friends, share your ideas with your group.  Show us how a life took shape, and how you shape the story.

Does this one need 'theory'?  Not so much, but it really does need to do our kind of work: to show us how big historical operations play out in our very intimate lives.

Beyonce.."trying to be white"

(2003) (2011)

Pictured above are the 2003, and 2011 album covers for pop singer Beyonce.  Since the reveal of her latest album cover, 4 , there has a been a significant amount of controversy about the artist's new "look".  Many people, both black and white, are offended by the cover because they say that it looks like Beyonce is attempting to hide her ethnicity, or "trying to be white".  While it is uncertain what this means, there is no question that the image she is portraying now, is very different from her appearance in the past. Whether is was done through make-up, Photoshop, bleaching, or all of the above, her skin is much lighter than it was at the start of her career. Her hair has been lightened, and straightened. She is also being shot from a low angle, which de-emphasizes facial features such as her nose, that are distinctly black.

The question here is not about whether or not she is trying to change her appearance, but instead, why she is, and why it upsets us.  Some people have suggested that she is trying to appeal to white America, and the look is an attempt to boost album sales.  Others in the black community see it as a form of betrayal. To them, the cover says that she is ashamed of her black heritage, and is trying to blend in with the white majority.  Still, others see it as an artistic expression, a aesthetic experiment that was meant challenge racial definitions and boundaries.  Since Beyonce has been very tight lipped about the response, it is hard to say. It is worth noting however, that our culture becomes so upset when these barriers are crossed and messed with. It is almost as though we struggle to define Beyonce and what she is trying to accomplish, when we cannot fit her into a well defined racial "category". As Richard Dyer discusses, the racial and class attributes of white people often become invisible.  But here, we see that they become very important to us when they are "messed with".  Another example of this historically, being Michale Jackson. This controversy as a whole stands to exemplify the ways in which the media and culture define bodies by employing race and gender.

Sexual Innuendo

http://www.acfny.org/uploads/pics/natalja.jpg

When I found this image I was surprisingly not caught off guard by it at all. Although there is no headline or description of what’s going on in the picture. I was able to figure it out quite easily. How was this possible? Well, it shows a white, young, blonde, made up, woman who appears to be teasing the audience with a banana. Now, the way I interpret the image is defined by the way it presents itself, if it would have been a black, Asian, or middle eastern woman, or a man, I probably would have viewed the image much differently. If the image was of a man, I would have presumed he was gay. If the image was of a middle-eastern woman in religious dressings I would have been confused and maybe a little offended. But interestingly enough, because the image is of a white woman I knew exactly what was going on and I wasn’t put off at all by it. This is because living in western culture, I’ve been a bit desensitized to situations like this. It’s almost become acceptable to me, that a white woman sucking on a banana is nothing more than a sexual innuendo, that I’m not even offended by.

The provocative image shows a gendered/raced/classed body, depending on how you interpret different aspects of the image. The politics involved in the image are simply this: a white woman sucking on a banana, well it’s expected. It’s racy, but it’s accepted. What could possibly be wrong with that?!

Barbie Perfection

White may be considered "normal" according to Dyer, but normal seems to have its own standards. Apparently  if white women aren't built like barbie, they are not attractive, or even accepted in some cases. This picture ARGUES us into a position. women should look like life sized barbies, perfect curves, perky breasts, and a thin waist. Barbie has set a STANDARD and created an idea in everyone's head that women should be just like her. Kinda like Susan Bordo said in her article, women and men alike have a voice in their heads telling them what the standard should be. In this picture the lines on the woman are the OBJECT, showing us what society, and barbie, say women should look like. and lucky for us this picture shows a woman that is a lot like us before her alterations.


Honestly, this picture is hard for me to look at, and even more difficult to react to. I don't know if I have words to describe how I feel about this. For me this image is upsetting and annoying. My body gets tense when I look at it, and suddenly I notice all of my imperfections. My waist is not itty-bitty, I do not have a slender face and thin arms. I am not barbie! Clearly the woman holding barbie is beautiful, but because our society has harsh standards, she could be perfected.  Why can't we celebrate differences? Why do we believe that in order to be pretty we must also follow STEREOTYPES.  So yes, white may be "normal" but to be a "model" white person, especially woman, you it seems like you must be "Barbie"

So what does this say about our culture? I believe that this demonstrates how quickly our culture impresses STEREOTYPES upon us. A Barbie is a child's toy, but if a child grows up loving barbie, they will find that someday they want to be like Barbie. It's kind of like subconscious preparation for society's standards. We find  ourselves striving to be "Barbie" in every aspect of our lives, especially white people. We want to have the best jobs, the best house, the best body, the best everything and we are not satisfied until we believe we have reached "Barbie Perfection"

selling fashion with violence

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=duncan+quinn+ad&um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=N&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1424&bih=691&tbm=isch&tbnid=lVLh7rgjLcTgWM:&imgrefurl=http://adland.tv/content/sexist-ads-hot-cold-too-soon-or-too-late&docid=dtz1R9wu0-qNXM&imgurl=http://adland.tv/files/imagecache/postimage/duncan_quinn_ad_c.jpg&w=700&h=897&ei=2bGbToHbHsaatwfCs_z1Aw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=474&vpy=136&dur=42&hovh=254&hovw=198&tx=113&ty=81&sig=109777592871550554440&page=1&tbnh=168&tbnw=131&start=0&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0

In this ad by Duncan Quinn, we see a woman in her underwear being strangled with a tie by a man in a nice suit. The violent sexism could not be more apparent. It could not be determined whether this girl is supposed to be dead, sedated, or in the midst of some sort of s&m sex game. The ad is trying to sell suits to men by showing a man who has so clearly and utterly dominated a women, reducing her to nothing but a sort of sexy corpse-like figure. Using this sort of sexual violence to try and sell something to men is a little disconcerting (as well as sick and terribly offensive).
Upon first seeing this advertisement, i was shocked it ever made it into any type of media. I immediately thought that it must not have been reviewed by a very diverse audience before being released to the public. The guy pictured looks like quite an asshole albeit a well dressed one, and the woman's face cannot be seen; she appears lifeless. It was a little bit funny, at first though. I just thought it so ridiculous (and terrifying) that this could be an appealing fantasy to men. And even more ridiculous that it is to sell fashion. Strangling a half naked woman on a nice car has nothing to do with a nice suit!
This ad, of course, was made to attract men of a certain type, and the suits look expensive. It is using the power of money and sex to appeal to the docile body of a wealthy male type, and say that buying one of these suits will get them women at their disposal. The politics of this ad are pretty obvious: when you can afford things like this, you're on top of everything. Others don't matter as much and women are merely playthings to do with what you like. Great job Mr.Quinn and advertisement creators!